you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize