Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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