Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
