i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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