Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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