Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
