peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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