I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
