I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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