unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
BRING THE BAGELS
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
