To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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