U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I think I just sharted jello shots
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
