This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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