Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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