Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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