I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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