Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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