No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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