before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
