so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
