For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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