And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
