i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
