I'll bet she douches with gravy.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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