I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
