He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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