I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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