I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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