Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
