took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
