I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
