8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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