She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I party with great urgency now.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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