Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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