The panties match.
I'll be right there.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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