did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
They have beer where we have blood.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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