Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
