Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
this will be a night to untag.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
