NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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