hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
