I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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