gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
