Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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