i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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