I wish I only lived at night.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
