Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
They should really pass out barf bags in church
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
