all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
