we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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