flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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