yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
