dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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