i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize