nut hugger
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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