Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
