just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
