Do you still have your period?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
