Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
