I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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