Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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