In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize