i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
