So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
