I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize