I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
