I just saw a hot homeless man
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
