mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
