i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
