She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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