Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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