I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
