Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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