I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
