Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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