walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
