You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
